Ailing Frozen Hunk-Schnitzel: Gay Porn Star Blog Review (will this turn into a series?) and Scary German Foodstuffs

Some of you may have heard of Eric Rhodes from various Marc Jacobs Gossip Reports or from a steady diet of gay porn (guess which camp I fall into). The hunky porno prince got a little spot on Gawker today, in which he received a wee bit o' pity from the site after being mocked in the prime of Jacobs-gate- giving him a sad hunk grunt status in their eyes. I suppose picking up a meth habit, a word weary outlook on life, and a heap of porno-regret is a surefire way to turn your 15 minute moonlight in Page Six, into a Dickensian dick filled shoddy redemption tale. I wish I could look at his blog with the same puppy dog eyes, but the onslaught of sex and drug fueled tales, which read like a sloppy high school dropout Edmund White, and amusing bits of unintentional hilarity leave me out of the pity party. And frankly, I feel that the urge to leave any encouragement in a comment or have a teardrop for him in my heart is probably just linked to my long running desire to bone him. Regardless the peculiarity of the super-voyeurism inherent in reading a porn star's blog has become my proverbial meth addiction on my afternoon of interneting.

Some of the amusing gems contained on Rhodes' recent entries are as follows:

1.

He models for Loehmann's?

2.

Rants about the porn industry and how it's sucked the life out of him are followed by exciting listings of his Grabby Porn Award nominations including:

"BEST RIMMING SCENE"

It's a vicious cycle, people...

3.

His recent lovelorn posts are not about Jacobs, no, no, no; he is heartbroken over his recent ex Danny Dias from MTV's Road Rules/Gauntlet/Inferno/Battle for Dignity/Oh God Why Did We Do This Show Battle. Do you remember him? This little plucky shit-

I don't know if you used to be addicted to those shows as much as I was, but if you didn't get the pleasure of seeing his infantile visage assaulting you from your TV, I must tell you that he was one of the most ANNOYING PEOPLE EVER ON MTV- which is, frankly, quite a fear since the dawn of The Hills. I hunted everywhere on the internet to find a video of him pitching a hissy, just so you could see HOW FUCKING OBNOXIOUS he was, but alas I have failed. He is so terrible that people wanted to erase him from the collective memory and keep him off of youtube.

If this twink o' terror spawned by MTV reality shows is your salvation from drugs and rimming awards, this, THIS is your true tragedy Erik Rhodes.

4.

The melodrama of his life-on-blog is enhanced by a soundtrack of Rhodes selected songs, which have the same deliciously terrible effect as an Evanescence song backing a tween show from a few years ago. The pain curated for our ears only makes his life seem that much more painful.
Perhaps you should pick up some Galaxie 500, Erik? Maybe that might change everything...

Still, it's pretty sad to see somebody spiral downward. BUT HASN'T ANYBODY LEARNED ANYTHING FROM PORNSTARS PAST/BOOGIE NIGHTS!?!

Why do these people have to start blogs and make me feel bad about my masturbation habits? I guess that's another case for amateur...

MOVING ON!

Some image algebra:

Martin Parr

+

Processed Foods

+

Germany

=

This amazing site, in which a German dude compares the images of processed preprepared German foods to the rather disgusting reality.

"Hey! When did my 'Seehecht Filet' turn into my hangover face?!?"

It's actually a semi-brilliant/disconcerting look on how packaging can be a distraction from how FUCKING DISGUSTING contemporary packaged foods can be.

Yech.

I wonder what Balut packaging would be like!

"Oh, this place looks cute!"

"OH GOD, NO!"

Happy Friday!