Saturday, March 8, 2008

An Afternoon of Brunette Dimwittery and Far Too Easy Gossip

So I'm sure if you're as addicted to the online celebu-gossip blog phantasmagoria as I am (god, why hasn't there been a tragic movie made about this kind of addiction yet?), you've already stumbled across the latest tidbit about Amy Winehouse's vodka snorting. Honestly, after seeing videos of her smoking crack is this really newsworthy? Isn't Miss Amy indulging in some combination of mind altering substances and her nose a given by now? Yawn...
I must admit that I was more entertained by the
eyewitness report of the incident, which makes the moment sound like a nonsense scene crafted by Lewis Carrol.

"Amy in Wonderland"
“She necked the top of the shot and lit the rest with a lighter,” adds the source. “Then she grabbed a straw and sucked what was left up her nose.”
She then knocked back cocktails before begging a pal to teach her the dangerous “duttywine” dance, which can cause serious neck injury and pain"
“Amy was on top form and begged a pal to teach her the dance where you spin your head around really fast while you wind into the ground. Amy was so into it at one point her beehive nearly fell off.”


Duttywine"? Excuse me- duttywine? What the hell is that? A dangerous dance? I didn't even know dangerous dances still existed in our secular society- was she conjuring up spirits with these violent movements? Why doesn't that bit sound more crazy than booze-nosing to anybody else? Ok, let's review- what is a more interesting headline-

AMY WINEHOUSE STICKS SOMETHING UP HER NOSE!
or
AMY WINEHOUSE LEARNS DEADLY DANCE, NEARLY LOSES "DO"!

The latter headline is far more titillating. Come on gossip journos- give me what I want, and let me learn about dangers beyond the bottle! I did some youtube research, and learned that this duttywining can actually REALLY FUCK YOUR SHIT UP! Let's have a gander, shall we?


FUCKING OUCH!
To be honest, we should know that if the drugs haven't killed Amy yet this duttywining most surely will!

1 comment:

diana said...

of course, only a dancehall queen could come up with the "duttywine"