Monday, February 4, 2008

The Monday Drivel

Ah Monday! If you had a yesterday like I did, you seem to be floating in a painful post-superbowl hangover, your esophagus burning from lingering acid reflux brought on by a buffalo wing overdose, your stomach puffy from the multiple six packs you guzzled down (all by yourself). Ain't it just a gosh darn jolly good day to be back at work?

Caravaggio's "Sick Baccas"


Yeah, that's what I thought....

By the way, have you ever noticed that Caravaggio has an odd fixation on decapitation? Let's take a brief tour of some of Mr. C's headless wonders, shall we?

Ah, the Baroque period's greatest beheading hits! Caravaggio, you gruesome schoolboy, you! Do you notice a trend here among the fallen? If I were a bearded man back in Caravggio's day and happened to bump into him, I would run for the hills. He did, after all, have a sword on his person most of the time (an itchy hilt hand led to many a problem in his life), sort of like if Damien Hirst wandered around with a taser in his pocket...that's quite scary a scary thought...
Apparently good ol' Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio would often act as a model for his paintings, like in that lovely bleeding Mr. Medusa up above. Some art critics claim that the Baccas painting was made during a time of depression and turmoil in his life- it's a good thing he didn't take a cue from Van Gogh and bring his severance fantasies to life...frankly, a headless painter isn't of much use to anyone...

Moving on (fasten your seatbelts and prepare for a stream of consciousness media adventure!)- do you remember this early 90's gem that I somehow got stuck in my head as I was going to work this morning?

Hey everybody! It's "Bad Bad Boys" by Midi, Maxi, & Efti!

Due to Sony BMG's evil hold on their material, I cannot embed the actual music video, which comes in two flavors (basically 90's and even more 90's)- I suggest you check those out to enhance the experience of listening to this forgotten wonder of a tune. Hearing Miss Eftie rap (or is it speaking on pain killers?) about positivity alongside beckoning calls for those bad bad boys (were they watching a lot of cops?) is impossible to resist! Certainly Marissa Tomei's 90's weepie classic and one of my shameful childhood FAVES, UNTAMED HEART, couldn't resist the song's charm. In one of the opening scenes of the movie, we see her bouncing around in the Detroit diner she in which she serves stellar (I can only guess) hash browns to "Bad Bad Boys". I suppose in this scene we're supposed to somehow pick up the fact that she makes bad choices in the man department- letting her hair down and swaying her hips to shit dancehall is 90's speak for SHE DATES GAMBLERS WHO GO FOR A WET LOOK (or something to that effect...)! Sadly, for some inexplicable reason, the world wide web doesn't have a video of this magical scene anywhere in its vast networks (at least on youtube or dailymotion). Amusingly enough, however, there are quite a free videos devoted to showing scenes of Tomei in various undergarments (purple bra, pantyhose, oil pastel?), a youtube trend that has left me quite vexed.

Ah well...if we can't have dancing, we might as well meet one of her charming sleazebuckets, who looks remarkably like 90s grunge pophunk Gavin Rosdale!
Bring on the bad decisions, Marissa!

Did you watch long enough to see Rosie Perez! Motherfucking Rosie Perez! That's your treat of the day (oh if only I had time to write a long love letter to It Could Happen To You in this post...and while I'm on that little tangent, what is up with this trend of Rosie Perez co-starring in down-on-their-luck-diner-waitress-finds-love movies from the 90s? Weird...).
Anyway, at the end of that clip you might have noticed a young Christian Slater staring tenderly and perhaps a bit creepily at Tomei's character. Do you think that he could be the man who can finally break her cycle of bad romances? Do you?
Well you thought right...

But there's one big problem about Mr. Weird Yet Endearing busboy...HE HAS A FUCKING BABOON HEART IN HIS CHEST! Yeah, the movie's working title (no shit) was The Baboon Heart. Now if that doesn't sound like the perfect date movie I don't know what does...

Regardless, the two are able to find love and go on that 90's romance movie staple: the-inspirational-sports-date-scored-by-a-tender-synthesized-piano!!!!!

Did you cry a little gen-X tear while watching that? I know you did...
Isn't it amazing how a terrible yet irresistible single from 1991 can take us on such an emotional nostalgic journey (or to Beavis and Butthead...)?

God, I just love Mondays!

Although Mondays don't hold a candle to quick peeks at Marissa Tomei's thong...

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